Tuesday, June 02, 2009

70. No support when needed

Personal tragedy takes time to sink in. Initially, one does not realise the gravity of the situation. There are so many rituals to perform and so many people around that there is hardly any time to think. It seems as if the departed has gone on a short trip only to return soon.

When rituals come to an end and people stop visiting the bereaved, the extent of loss begins to dawn. One starts experiencing the absence of the departed at the dining table, during the evening walk and so on. When the phone rings, one knows that it can be any one but the departed.

It is at this stage that the bereaved may start slipping into a state of depression. It is now that he needs support to come to terms with the tragedy. It is here that friends and relatives can be of great help and try to fill the void to the extent possible - by just being around or by letting the bereaved ventilate himself.

Unfortunately, at this stage, the bereaved is generally left alone to try and come to terms with his tragedy. Though time can heal deep wounds, some emotional support may often make the process of healing faster. But such are the ways of the society that no help becomes available when it is required the most.

4 comments:

How do we know said...

very true... the period from the 13th day to the 40th day is the most difficult too.. but unless the person gets this time to pull their life together, they may become dependant on a support system and that is not healthy either.

I had a neighbor who, after her father passed away, ate at my house for a year.. while we did not mind the dependance she had, we did mind that she was not there for her mother, who usually ate alone, and that she was not able to get on with her own life because of the dependance that she'd created on our support..

Just another take..

R. Ramesh said...

u r right..many a times v dont get the support v need at the right time when v r looking for it..each individual is left to face it on his/her own..btw, Thanks a tonne buddy for your continuous encouragement though I was not regular in my postings and comments the whole of last month.

Kimberly Rose Carolan said...

This is so true--many times when the bereaved need people the most is when everyone has disappeared. When my father died, it seemed that 2-weeks was all people needed to go back to "life as usual" while our life would never be "normal" again. I wrote about this in my own book about grief, because I think that if people really knew how they were abandoning the griever that they would behave differently.

Kim Carolan
www.strategicbookpublishing.com/walkingthroughthevalleyoftheshadowofdeath.html
http://walkingthroughthevalleyoftheshadow.blogspot.com

lala said...

i know what it feels like for it was not very long back for me. and you know, time doesnt heal any wounds. with time we learn to adjust with the fact. this has to be one of the saddest things in life.